I've recently had what I think is a revelation. Maybe its just the end of a long stream of frustration about the way people conduct themselves in their personal lives. I lump myself in that crew so I'm not just throwing stones at others.
It seems that a lot of people (myself included at times) get caught up in the hype of being in competition with everyone around them. We look at the cars. We look at the clothes. We look at the houses. We look at other people's job titles. There are many different ways that we covet and get jealous about things.
So many people are trying to get these things so that they can be somebody. And the pursuit of these things often clouds what is really important in life. I think that happiness, health and family are really the most important things. But all these pursuits get in the way of that.
For many people the good life means living in a great house, kids in the best schools, really nice car, taking the best vacations, having a great job title and more. Is that really the good life though?
More and more I've started to think about the ultra type A, overachieving lifestyle and how its a cover for being caught up on a horrifying treadmill. I started having these thoughts and then I see a story in the Sunday New York Times about the poor rich people in Silicon Valley. They profiled several people with millions of dollars in the bank who didn't feel secure. They didn't feel like they had made it.
This article was the tipping point for me. Reading about people (and lord knows these types of people are everywhere) who have plenty of money yet they work ridiculous hours and allow their children to be raised by hired help really got to me. The justification, "I'm doing this for my family." is a total cop out in my opinion. Its about competition and trying to achieve something that doesn't exist.
Why do people work themselves to death and miss out on life? They want to get all these things. And then what? Many want to be somebody in the eyes of the world. That's why they screw people over in the workplace and cheat others in business. That's why they start families and ignore them while climbing the corporate ladder. There are a lot of different ways to do this so the corporate world isn't the evil here. Its merely a single enabler. We see it in entertainment, sports and many other industries as well.
A lot of people have lost the connection to what's real and what's important.
To me what's real are the people who you really care about as well as those who really depend on you. The people at work depend on you in a certain way but your family at home depends on you in a very real way. They need you to be strong and smart and available to meet their needs. More than that they need your love and happiness to rub off on them. No one helps a situation by being unavailable, tired and grumpy due to the grind at work.
The big lie is that its all necessary because things cost a lot of money and driving like crazy in the workplace brings money. That's a real issue but so is lifestyle. Everyone can choose to lead a reasonable lifestyle. Major cities are expensive. So move out of a major city and find a place where you can afford things. Many jobs are demanding. Work to find a career with a realistic balance between money and free time.
These are high order goals I know but we're talking about life here. And if you are married with children we're talking about multiple lives. Being there in a real way and making smart choices are major components to being somebody to the only people who matter.
When I was in the Army I had occasion to help some people in a very real way. As a pool lifeguard on the base we spent and afternoon every week swimming with disabled kids. To those kids I was somebody they could count on to put a smile on their faces. They needed me to be there for those few hours every week. Later at Fort Knox I participated in a program where I spend time with kids who had tough home lives. At the end of a day with a small child who had no father around those kids were really attached. I was somebody to those kids. They needed attention and friendship more than anything. They needed things that you can't really buy or get from a career.
Now as a dad I see how much my daughter needs me to help with basic things and be a catalyst for fun, learning and love. How can I do that if I'm not around? How can money and titles justify absence to a two year old? You see, I am somebody to the only people that matter.
I'll work and do an excellent job but I put family and friends first with no compromises. Now I'm really somebody. I'm a hero in the eyes of the only people that really matter.
Many people claim to be looking out for you. But I've found in the working world that people will take as much as you give and then some. They will make you feel like you're less than the best if you don't meet every challenged. Don't be fooled though. Those are not the people you need to impress.
